Night Owl

I returned to work last week. Well, that is, if you really call it "working". I worked a night shift and now struggle with deciding when the next shift will fall into my schedule. It isn't that I don't have the opportunity to work. Work calls me everyday to see if I can pick up a shift. It makes me feel really bad sometimes. I have the luxury of working whenever I want. When I started out in nursing, I wasn't too keen on the shift work and the schedule. Working full time is very demanding on the body, not to mention the night shifts, weekends and holidays that no one can escape. I struggled with the lack of respect that nurses deserve and struggled with the fact that I should have gone to medical school, but deep down inside knew I couldn't. It wasn't conducive to the lifestyle I eventually wanted and now have. So, why do I have this guilt when I don't work? I know it has to do with the fact there are sick kids out there who need me. I feel bad there are nurses who are working full time and then some to fill in for the lack of nurses. I feel bad that there is a "shortage" and think, "what if that was my kid up there, who would take care of them?". It makes me feel like I should be working more. It is something I have struggled with ever since I have had kids, even though I know what I am doing know, is what I should be doing. I find it interesting know that I think nursing is a great option for people to go into because of the flexibility of the schedule, the very thing I despised for so long. Even more so, I find it interesting that I will be doing "NIGHT" shifts only. I hated nights (PERIOD, END OF QUESTION). I have never been a night owl, always a morning person. But now, I find myself realizing that is what my work life has become. A mere shift to give me a slight break from the kids, excerise my brain, and to help those in need out, for just a brief time. I don't know that I will ever return to work more than this, because I am a mother, and that is the most important thing to me right now, and for always.